“When you are young you have no idea how to deal with trauma. When you realize the need for forgiving yourself – for not understanding – that is when your healing begins”
Seek help when you can. Even if it’s just talking to a friend. You don’t need to suffer and go through everything alone. My label doesn’t define me. Don’t get stuck thinking you have to do it by yourself. You are not alone.
So where did it start? I am sorry Mom and Dad, but it started with the yelling back and forth. The confusion of cops coming to the house. Yeah everyone here is the dirty laundry. – It started where no one ever goes anymore… No one wants to talk about it, or remember or recall… I remember the first time I “stuffed” my feelings. I was 5 years old and was starting to feel like I needed to cry, but I wanted to be strong for my Mother. I had a big lump of sadness in my throat. It hurt so bad. But I did not cry. After that day it was hard for me to cry or express my emotions at all. Now a days – I long to cry. That part of me is partially – broken. I am trying to fix something that should of been addressed when I was a child. It is very hard to even squeak out one tear. But by denying/hiding “stuffing” all the shame, guilt, and sadness – You are just feeding the wrong wolf.
Below is a graph. Look at it carefully. The energies that you entertain actually shape your whole reality. Shame being the lowest on the vibrational scale… Not Surprised! Most people are not even aware of what they are doing to themselves on daily basis, because our society (I am sorry to say) is based on Judgement and Shame… Greed! When you keep a society in Fear… you keep the control.
Everyone has had some trauma in their life, there is no way you can live in this world and be trauma free. But when you have excess amounts of trauma, you need to process your trauma somehow, because otherwise you are living the majority of your life stuck in low dense energies. You can’t live a heart based life when you are stuck in the past or… future. Where is your Joy if you are sometimes on a daily reminder of your pass CRAP! Or worried about the next day…week… year… something that you have no control over… But wait you do. You are in control if you want to be. No one can make me think anything. Only I have the power to choose what energies and thoughts I entertain. And to tell you the honest truth even when I am at the worst points in my life… I laugh. I will be happy when ever I want to be happy. Thank you. And no one can take that from me…
Forgiveness is not stated on this chart, but in my book it is one of the biggest keys to life. Because it brings about PEACE. How can you truly forgive anyone else if you haven’t even forgiven yourself first? For instance I have been ashamed for most of my adult life because I was declared “Too Happy”—–>>>> WHAT? Don’t most people strive to be happy… ?
My fiance came home, I greeted him with open arms and a huge smile. He pointed at me and said “There’s something wrong with you!” Hmmm? My best friend sat down with me and told me to my face that – she was afraid of my smile. Hmmm? I am not going to explain my happiness to anyone… if you are going to JUDGE… walk the other way. Judgement is a gift. If someone doesn’t accept you with all their heart, then one day they won’t be there… And guess what. Good. Life has a way of shutting doors so that your growth and path will not be impeded. I have lost so many people who called me sister, best-friend, soul-mate, family. Because if I would of stayed with that soul-mate I would of been beaten to death… If I would of kept on being a best friend – used, stolen from, and lied to… I could go on, but you get the picture right?
Your – Intent. You are in control. Don’t ever let the Judgement of others cloud your mind. And if you are effected you can change it as easily as if you were to flick the TV to another channel. It is that easy. The above quote says it all. I choose on a daily basis to pump out happiness, love, and laughter. And those that truly know me see that and embrace the Joy.
Learn to forgive yourself. It is the best first step. Focus on being well to yourself because you are the one – that is beating yourself up in your head. Not the other person that did you wrong.