When I was 4 years old. I went to the movies for the first time in my life. It was the greatest gift ever given to me.
A movie literally saved my life. With one song. Here it is.
Without this courage and beauty I saw through the eyes of someone else, I would not have made it past 21.
“My life has been a series of nightmares and when I try to explain it to anyone else they look at me like I am bacteria that needs to be destroyed”
Life does not need to be this hard.
During my 4 year old experience my parents were going through a divorce. My Dad asked me if I wanted to go to my grandparents house for a visit. Of course I got excited my grandparents were the best! As I went out to get onto the car with my father my mother came home and pulled her car in front of us blocking our path. My body did not understand when they started to fight. Nervous uncontrollable butterflies churned in my stomach. I was so nervous and did not know what to do I ran inside and puked.
Anytime from that moment on when ever I was happy I would get so nervous about my happiness I would have this uncontrollable reaction so bad that I would have to vomit. Once I puked, then I could go have fun.
I would go over to my best friends birthday party with present in hand, big smile on my face and after we knocked at the front door, with my excitement came the nervous uncontrollable butterflies. She opened the door to me puking on her porch. Yuck. Happy Birthday Hannah let’s go play… Lol
My father gave me the best advice I ever received when I was 9 years old. He pulled me aside and said.
“Lynn. You take care of Lynn.”
He then looked me in the eyes and said again “Lynn – You take care of Lynn.”
I gave myself a pretty good piece of advice that year too. I was about to go have some fun with friends I felt the nervous butteflies start to churn. I went into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror and said:
“Mind over Matter“
With actually comprehending this one statement I was cured from the nervous butterfly feeling. I thought it had worked but in my 20s it came back. The nerves only happened a couple of times but it made me curious why my “cure all” for a statement seemed to vanish just when my whole life was starting to fall into place.
BEYONCE said it best…
This is where it gets tricky…
Here is a poem to help you see.
You don’t have to see. I do. If I don’t see my obstacles won’t I bump into them? You can say watch out all you want if my perception is distracted from the path before me I will fall.
Hey when I fall don’t kick me when I am down, matter of fact let me strengthen my muscles to stand. If I ignore your hand it is because I needed to do so.
Your life is to be lived by you, your path… and I could bring up Pocahontas for this one but I think you got the idea.
Once you try to control the outcome of anyone, yourself included. Life will ask you a question. Do you really want this??? Your heart does not lie. Your brain might trick you into thinking, it does – just like when your stomach pulls a fast one on you and one cheesy puff bag later you say I ate that whole thing?
So now we have a base. Energy doesn’t lie to me… Really? But it’s science I have Proof!!!
Understanding Energy is a beautiful concept 💡
Let me hear what you think. Lets have a discussion please comment below.
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Eric, I am so glad that you have been able to see some of what we talked a lot about.…
Ive been struggling with being/ finding happiness on the daily reading this and hearing your doing well makes me smile…
Thanks for posting about how you keep your balance. It is a good reminder of what I should be doing…
Sharon I love you so much 💗 I can’t wait for you guys to come out! I am glad that…
I’m so happy you responded. 😀I think the last time I saw you was at HVCC in the library. That…
Lynn this is amazing. You are truly talented. I want to come see you with joey if he can get…
Lynn this is great! Your are truly an artist. Thank you for the transparency. I have struggled with Mental Illness…
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8 thoughts on “Break the Cycle”
Ive been struggling with being/ finding happiness on the daily reading this and hearing your doing well makes me smile and that helps 🙂 I know longer work in mental health it cost me to much I think.. I now work in a memory care unit and really enjoy it.. Keep up the blog it’s a good coping skill and I like to know your doing well.. Love your friend!
Eric, I am so glad that you have been able to see some of what we talked a lot about. I have been thinking about blogging a lot. My new job building a 2 story (with a huge basement) home has kept me quite busy. I can do a little at a time and it helps so much! I am well. So good to hear from you sounds like you made the right move – I am sure you helped many like you did me, but I can see how that job could be hard. Much love sent your way ❤
Lynn this is amazing. You are truly talented. I want to come see you with joey if he can get time off as soon as the COVID thing passes. I love you and miss you. You are my inspiration. ❤️❤️
Sharon I love you so much 💗 I can’t wait for you guys to come out! I am glad that you got to see this. It has been very therapeutic for me to create this. Miss you tons 🤗
Lynn this is great! Your are truly an artist. Thank you for the transparency. I have struggled with Mental Illness and drug addiction in my life, and I can relate so much. I have had some hospital stays myself. Next month I will have 3 years clean and sober. I hope to read more of these. Stay well.
Annie so good to hear from you! I am glad to know that you are doing well. I hope to be able to say to you someday that I will have 3 years of mental wellness. I would love to hear more about what you do to keep yourself well. Much love to you ❤ Thanks for the honest feedback 🤗
I’m so happy you responded. 😀I think the last time I saw you was at HVCC in the library. That was almost 20 years ago. Time flies! I’m glad your still in the good fight. It all comes down to the basics for me. Am I getting enough sleep, have I eaten/drank water? Am I staying away from negativity and Anger? I have to make sure my solitude doesn’t turn into isolation, but sometimes it does, and that’s ok. I just need to recognize it. I would love to chat more with you. You can message me on Facebook Messenger if you would like, or e-mail me email@example.com. I hope to talk with you soon. Take care. 💜
Thanks for posting about how you keep your balance. It is a good reminder of what I should be doing on a daily basis. Today I found this awesome site that has lots of apps to help keep you balanced. I will post it on my blog as well… but thought you might find one of these apps helpful https://buckeyerecoverynetwork.com/10-best-mental-health-apps/?fbclid=IwAR2cJOxu3F8rS_Nt54Rh6pWJ6V3JJyjNVaMVqUrLn50j8y95SDWjwrFr4ZQ