Ask Why?

That’s what you get when you google my name…

I was living with my mother during this time and I did not feel good. She came to my room and wanted me to eat, I told her that I needed to rest. Then she said “Lynn maybe you should get checked out”… meaning I would go to the hospital where they would inject me with poisons and I would have so many toxins in me I would die. Not could – WOULD.

I ran outside crying… “NO! I can’t do this again! They will really kill me this time!” A couple blocks later I walked into the woods. I stumbled down the hill till I got to a base of a huge tree. Scared to death not knowing what I could do to get away, I started to try to bury myself alive. Thinking if I stay real still they won’t be able to see me… after 25 minutes of frantic panicking, I covered my eyes with my hands and made everything go away and I started to breathe slow deliberate lifesaving breaths.

That night when it got dark it rained, and I stayed right at the base of this tree. I was scared not only of the elements, but some type of weasel came out and looked at me as if asking why I was so close to their home base. When it was finally light out I walked the woods finding water bottles and an old jacket someone had left behind. I was at peace now in the woods, it actually was the best vacation I had ever been on. When I came back to the “Home Tree” I ate the mushrooms that were growing right off the bark of the side of the tree. My peace did not last long. About 50 people came into where I was at. I curled up at the base of the tree, praying that they would not see me.

I heard a man say “Look there is a girl, she might be dead.” I slowly raised my hands and said “I’m okay.” I asked them not to touch me but they forcefully put handcuffs on me, and carried me out – my head almost touching the ground. To this day not one family member, friend (or anyone for that matter) asked me why I ran away in the first place… They were all just pissed at what I had put them through.

Ask… Why… ?

The Turn Around

When I was little I had the same nightmare over and over. I was a little red ball going down the road. At first people on the side of the road were smiling at me, then they started to cheer for me, then scream and yell and chaos endured. Then it would stop and repeat over and over until I would wake up in a hot sweat. I believe that these nightmares prepared me for difficulties I had to endure throughout my life.

In 2017 I actually lived that nightmare. I was having difficulty sleeping so I suggested to my Doctor to prescribe Ambien for me because it had helped in the past. But this time I had a horrible reaction to it which made so off balance I was hopping in and out of the bathtub to regulate my energy. Then I got so paranoid I left the house with no shoes and ran down the train tracks… trying to get away. The tracks aligned with a red light from a tower. This felt like the chaos from my childhood nightmares. No matter how fast I ran or walked I was never going to reach that red light. I veered off into a corn field, going through big thick pricker bushes, and multiple barbed wire fences. By the time I reached civilization, I had no idea where I was. I flagged down a car and asked for a ride to Fairfield they told me Fairfield was in the opposite of which they were driving. So I flagged down another car. (Picture a woman in a ski jacket with a small skirt on lots of bloody scrapes on her legs and no shoes) They were kind enough to take me back to the center of town. All that walking and running I never even make it out of Fairfield. All it would of taken was one slip…

The next morning I was detained by the police and this incident changed my life for the better. Please read below this was in our town’s news paper.

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