I realized this morning that when I started this blog I wanted to share my life with the whole world and I told everyone here that I am ashamed of myself. The real point is I have felt shame from others. I wanted to make a movie about me and I wrote down all the highlights and lowlights (life changing experiences) of my life and thought wow this would make a great movie and then when I was creating it – I negated about 90% and just shared some highlights. One of my most favorite movies is The Pursuit of Happyness.
Now of course most of that movie is low lights but boy haven’t we all been there trying to pursue what makes us happy and maybe it has been a rocky road but if you never had those low lights would those highs be as glorious? The truth of the matter is I chose to be happy a long time ago. When I was 16 it was a conscious choice. I had 2 roads.
One road – I could continue to be very stubborn and filled with anger.
or
Walk down my driveway and notice the leaves starting to bud on the tree and literally drop energies I did not want to partake in. By starting to practice ways to let go, forgiveness, and having a little bit of patience with myself and others, I created a world I truly wanted to live in.
No one wants to hear about low points. You are only supposed to share those with a doctor or some sort of therapist. Hey just write them down in your journal… The fact is my lows are not really that low. But if you were around me when I was feeling really good. Guess what you would feel it.
I have tried to explain this before in stories, in poems… I can’t be what you expect me to be. I don’t live in a box, I can’t contain all that is within me (energy) and mask my feelings – it doesn’t work. Believe me I have tried. So when my pain digs deep into your heart show some sympathy to a fellow human being. And maybe instead of asking why I am smiling – when I smile, smile with me. It is kind of weird that I even have to say that. What is even more messed up that time and time again – if people don’t understand something then obviously its wrong.
Listen honey, just because I am beaming bliss over here and you feel it, like I am care bear staring at the world – doesn’t mean I am an alien from anther planet that needs to be captured and subdued.
Don’t negate yourself or your life when you are hurt, sad or low. Learn from the doors that close. I do want to share some major things that have happened in my life with the world and I think this blog is a good step and maybe I can work more on a video of lows/highs – the whole sha-bang. It will be a ride! This year is a good year and reflecting back upon it was a good thing for me. I made this video of this past year for my sissy ❤ Erika.
Katerehanna 